I met an unusual young man last week. I went to his house to evaluate whether we could provide an accessible computer system for him. His home is clean, his family is financially poor, and the rental house they live in needs a lot of work. The young man doesn’t have a good education. To make matters worse, he was shot while riding in a car and is now a quadriplegic. As we talked about his goals he told me that he wants to sell used cars. He likes doing this and has experience at it. One of his neighbors taught him the strategy he uses for selecting cars, however this neighbor was killed in a separate shooting a few months ago. As we talked and goofed around, I found it very easy to like this young man and his family. They have had a hard life, but they are good people.
Blogging is a funny thing. Sometimes a topic comes up and I think “nah, I don’t want to write about that.” But when it keeps coming back, eventually I give in.
You know that Christmas is a great time for family and friends to get together. In Julie's and my case, we cannot have family or friends with children in. The Christmases that we’ve had the children and grandchildren in, I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. So, we have to have the family in only when the weather is warm. I am not sure how this affects the other quadriplegics, but some of my difficulties could be with my age.
As we approach the holidays, I find myself with mixed feelings. I’m excited about my recent engagement to a wonderful man, and I’m looking forward to spending time over the holidays with our children and grandchildren. However, I am saddened that my time with InvoTek is coming to a close. My upcoming marriage means that I will be relocating to NE Arkansas, necessitating my leaving InvoTek at the end of January. Joy and sorrow mixed together!
As I was reviewing our Be Extraordinary program on our one-year anniversary, I was pleased that all of our clients with technology are making good progress. You might say “duh Tom, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen?” Yes, but the reality is assistive technology often doesn’t have the intended impact. Here are the lessons that I’ve learned from Be-X:
There is an old African proverb, to the effect, “it takes a village to raise a child.” Children are considered a blessing from God for the whole community. The same idea comes through in Ecclesiastes 4:10 "For if they fall, one will lift up the other…".
I suffered a spinal cord injury at C2 in 2005 that paralyzed me from the shoulders down. It was a difficult adjustment after being so active at work, hobbies, etc. While going through rehab at 57 yrs old, I had a lot of time to reflect back on my life. One of the things that kept my attitude in check and positive is when I reflected back on two high school friends. After graduating, I went on to college. David and Raymond joined the Army. They were both sent to Vietnam and died there fighting for democracy. They were only nineteen years old. This was a sad irony for Raymond because as an American Indian, he fought for democracy that was not originally offered to his forefathers. I was safe at that time, due to a college deferment. Was this fair to David and Ray? No! Life has treated me very well. I got married, have a wonderful wife, two wonderful children, and four beautiful grandchildren. I made many friends while working in three different industries over the years. I’ve experienced many of our nations unique vacation spots. David and Ray didn't have a chance to do any of these things. They continue to inspire me to keep my attitude positive and avoid depression.
When I first got hurt, my biggest fear was returning to high school with my friends. I was so scared that things would be awkward and weird. How would they see me? Surely it would be different. I wasn’t that guy that everyone hung out with anymore. I was the disabled kid that was just trying to finish high school. I needed ramps built and doors widened and schedules altered just to manage. Obviously things would be weird and different now.
A couple of weeks ago my wife was driving to Florida to meet her aunt. About 8:00 that night, somewhere around Yazoo City, Mississippi, she decided to call some friends in Jackson and ask if she could spend the night. Keep in mind she was 45 minutes away, late at night, and was arriving practically unannounced. Our friends said, “Of course! Just ignore the absolute mess the house is in.” That’s what real friends do. They open up their homes (and lives) just as they are, no pretense, no whitewashing the ugly spots, no pushing the dirty clothes under the couch.
The work that we do at InvoTek is weird. We do all the normal, geeky engineering stuff but then we also spend time with people who have severe disabilities. As we work together, it is not unusual for friendships to grow. Over the years, I have become good friends with two people who had degenerative diseases (and several others without degenerative diseases). Both have passed away. Both taught me a lot. They taught me about engineering and the importance of knowing your customer. They taught me about the impact well designed technology can have on quality of life. But they also taught me about sacrifice, and love, and living. This is what I love about InvoTek and my job. One minute I am frantic about lost electrons in one of our research projects, and the next minute I am sitting with a friend who whispers quietly and works hard to form words because he is losing the ability to speak. Putting the two together really challenges me.